Things You Always Wanted to Know About a Boy
By: Smallville's Girl

“Are you sure you’re doing okay?” Chloe asked.

“Fuck! I’m fine, okay?” Lana replied. She was sick and tired of everyone asking if she was okay. First it was Lex, then Clark, and now Chloe. She was sick and tired of being thought of as the damsel in distress. She knew she wasn’t the crying girl in the princess costume, but everyone still thought of her like that. Lana didn’t think she could handle staying in the same room as Chloe right now, especially if all she was going to is hover over her. Lana grabbed her coat and headed for the door.

“Where are you going?” Chloe asked.

“I’m going for a walk. Don’t worry.” Lana slammed the door behind her. She headed out into the brisk Metropolis night. Her iPod was blasting in her ears as she walked towards the pond of the nearby park. She took off her socks and shoes and waded ankle deep into the pond, head filled with thoughts. I wish I knew why guys think I am so defenseless. I wish I knew what it was like to be strong and powerful, and not have to depend on Clark and Lex all the time. She let out a yelp when she pierced her foot on a rock. She immediately waded out of the water and pulled a piece of meteor rock out of her foot. Great, just what I need. I had better get home and fix this up. Let’s just hope nothing happens. Lana slipped her sock and shoe on and limped home. She cleaned her foot, put a band-aid on, and went to bed, head filled with thoughts of guys rescuing damsels in distress.

* * *

At first, Lana didn’t register the fact that Chloe was yelling at her. She was blissfully happy that it was Saturday and that she didn’t have to worry about classes. She didn’t really care what Chloe was saying; all she wanted to do was sleep in.

“Excuse me, but could you please tell me who you are and why you are wearing Lana’s pajamas? Does Lana know you are here? You do know that those pajamas don’t really fit you, right?” Chloe’s voice slowly penetrated the fog that surrounded Lana’s brain.

“Chloe? Don’t you – “ Lana suddenly stopped talking when she heard her own voice. She didn’t recognize her own voice, it sounded extremely deep and masculine. She immediately leapt out of bed and ran for the mirror hanging on the door. What greeted her was not her own body. Instead, she saw a young man, with a lean, muscled body, and her same eyes. However, the face was different. It was more angular, less soft. Finally, instead of seeing glossy, long hair she saw brutally short hair of the same color. She was definitely a guy. Her scream was so loud it was heard three floors above and three floors below their dorm.

“Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!!!! I’m a fucking guy!!!”

“Um, is there a reason you shouldn’t be?” Chloe asked apprehensively.

“I can’t be a guy. Up until a few weeks ago, I was dating Clark Kent. I used to have breasts and other female things, one of which was NOT A PENIS!” Lana finished.

“Holy shit! Lana?”

“In the meteor affected flesh,” Lana finished with a sigh.

“What happened?”

“I was walking around in the pond near our dorm, and got a piece of meteor stuck in my foot.”

“Were you thinking about anything in particular?” Chloe asked, already in reporter mode.

“I was thinking about wanting to know what it was like to be strong and powerful ….” Lana trailed off.

“Looks like you got your wish,” Chloe said with a smile.

“What am I going to do?” Lana asked, exasperated.

“Well, first you need to get clothes that fit, because your old pajamas do NOT fit,” Chloe finished, with a pointed look at Lana’s crotch.

Lana shrieked and immediately placed her hands in front of her shorts, desperately trying to cover herself.

“All right. I am going to see Chester Latimore, and get him to loan me some clothes. He’s the swim team champ, so his clothes should fit. Plus, he owes me a favor.”

“Why?”

“I kept his name out of a nasty piece when a call girl was naming names. His was one of the names, and I pulled some strings and kept him out of it, saving his school career. This will help pay off his debt.” Chloe disappeared and reappeared about twenty minutes later with a pile of clothes and a pair of shoes. “Don’t worry, I made sure everything was clean,” Chloe said with a smile.

“What are we going to call me? I mean, you can’t walk around calling me Lana,” Lana said as she got dressed.

“How about Landon?”

“Landon? I like it,” Lana said as she turned around. “What do you think?” She stood in front of Chloe wearing cross trainers, dark blue jeans, and a MetU t-shirt.

“Very masculine,” Chloe said with a grin.

“Now, how do we fix this?” Lana/Landon asked.

Just then, there was a knock at the door.

“Oh shit! What do we do?” Lana/Landon asked.

“Just sit tight. I will try to get rid of whoever it is,” Chloe said, and went to the door. She opened the door and was met with Lex Luthor. Chloe sighed mentally; this was one of the people that she couldn’t just get rid of. She gave him a small smile.

“Hello Chloe. Is Lana around?” Lex looked around the room for Lana.

“Lana’s not here right now, actually,” Chloe said.

“Hello, I’m Lex Luthor,” he extended his hand out to Landon.

“I’m Landon,” here Landon stopped. Who was she supposed to be?

“Landon is my cousin, visiting for awhile.” Chloe said, thinking fast.

“Well, I was going to ask Lana if she wanted to join me for lunch. But, seeing as she is nowhere to be found, maybe you two would be so kind as to join me?”

Chloe and Landon exchanged glances.

“Sure, why not?” Landon said.

Chloe, Landon, and Lex trooped out of the dorm and headed for a diner that was just around the corner.

“So, Landon, where are you from?” Lex asked.

“From California. A small city called Huntington Beach,” Landon said, lying through her teeth. She was lucky that she knew some people from there so that she didn’t sound like a dolt.

“Sadly, I’ve never been there. I hear that it’s lovely,” Lex replied.

Chloe was about to change the subject when she saw Clark enter the diner.

“Oh shit,” Chloe whispered.

“Hi Chloe! Lex,” Clark said, showing obvious favoritism to Chloe over Lex. Chloe almost missed the look of lust in his eyes when he looked at Lex. Clark’s eyes swept over to Lana. Lana had to hold in her gasp of shock as she saw the blatant desire in Clark’s eyes as his gaze swept over her.

“And who is this?” Clark asked.

“This is Landon,” Chloe said. Clark leaned across Lex to shake Landon’s hand. Chloe saw the heat in Lex’s eyes as Clark leaned over him, and almost laughed. She had known forever that Lex had lusted after Clark, but to see it in his eyes just made it real.

“Hi Landon, I’m Clark.” Landon slowly took his hand, still reeling from what she had seen in Clark’s eyes. Clark was attracted to her in guy form? This was something that would take time to process. However, it intrigued her. Had Clark always been this way?

Chloe just sat and watched and smiled. She saw the looks Lex was throwing Clark when Clark wasn’t looking, the looks Clark was throwing Landon, and the looks Clark was throwing Lex when he wasn’t looking. Even Lana was looking a little lustfully at the two other men. If looks could start fires (which Clark’s could) then the entire diner would’ve burnt down the second Clark walked in.

“Well, I need to go run some errands. Landon, why don’t you stay here with Lex and Clark and finish lunch. I’ll check back with you later, okay?” And with that Chloe left the three ‘guys’ to themselves. She grinned to herself as she left the diner.

Landon sat next to Lex and across from Clark, bemoaning what had happened to her. However, she was also slightly intrigued. She caught the looks that Clark was sending her. And she was also seeing the looks Clark and Lex were sharing when they thought the other wasn’t looking. She found herself secretly wondering what Clark and Lex would look like in a bed together. What is going on with me? I love Clark. Why do I suddenly want to see him naked in bed with Lex? Landon couldn’t keep the thoughts in her head from showing on her face. Both Clark and Lex saw the lustful look in her eyes.

“Landon, what’s on your mind?” Lex asked.

Landon couldn’t fight the blush that stained her cheeks. She knew right then that she had to find a way to get Clark and Lex together; just so she could watch.

“Let’s go somewhere a little more private,” Lex suggested. They stood up to leave, and Landon looked to Clark.

“Coming Clark?” Landon asked. Clark appeared intrigued and just a little stunned. He looked to Lex, and found Lex staring at him with enough lust in his eyes that if he were Kryptonian, the whole diner would be on fire. Clark immediately began to follow.

As they were walking out of the diner, a beautiful redhead stopped Lex.

“Lex, where are you going? And can I join in on the fun?” the redhead said, eyeing Clark and Landon.

“Finn, glad to see you again. Call me sometime and we’ll do lunch. But this is a private party for three,” Lex said, and sauntered away with Lana and Clark following close behind.

Lex led them straight to his penthouse. They all went directly to the bedroom. They made their way into the center of the room.

“So, what do you want to do?” Lex asked with a mischievous grin. He and Clark looked at Landon expectantly. Landon just stood there, open-mouthed. “Landon?”

“Strip,” she said.

Clark and Lex stood side by side in front of her. They looked at each other with lust, masked by surprise and intrigue.

“Did I stutter? I said strip!” Landon commanded. Clark and Lex looked back at her, and immediately began to strip. Clark’s shirt landed next to Lex’s. Their pants soon followed. Landon found herself staring at two mostly naked men. She found herself beginning to feel highly aroused. She was very confused, but wanted to see more.

“All the way guys. There is so much left for me to see.” Landon wanted to see them naked and laying on the bed. Clark and Lex shucked their underwear and were suddenly standing before Landon naked. Landon felt her pants begin to tent. Clark and Lex looked at each other, and Landon could see each of them beginning to get hard at seeing each other naked.

“All right guys …” Landon was about to tell them to kiss, but they started to without her telling them. The second Clark and Lex locked eyes, they forgot that Landon was even there.

“Lex,” Clark began, but Lex stopped him by placing his lips to Clark’s. Lex pulled him close, and buried his hands in Clark’s hair. Together, lips and tongues tangled, they fell towards the bed. Lana watched as their hands moved in tandem, feeling, stroking, touching. Lana could feel herself getting turned on. She watched as Lex flipped Clark over and slowly prepared him. The second he entered, Clark yelled.

“God Lex! I love you so much!”

“God Clark! I love you too!”

Lana felt like she’d been hit in the stomach. Clark and Lex loved each other. In her heart, Lana always knew there was something between them.

Clark and Lex had finished and lay gasping and sweaty beside each other on Lex’s bed.

“Did you really mean it when you said you loved me?” Clark asked.

“Every word. I have loved you since the moment you pulled me out of the river and gave me back my life,” Lex said, placing a kiss on Clark’s temple.

“There are a lot of things we need to talk about,” Clark replied.

“We have time. First, I think we should thank Landon,” Lex turned to where Lana was sitting. “Lana? How did you get in here? Where did Landon go?”

Lana looked down and saw her hair fall in front of her eyes. She was back to herself again. Something had triggered her change back. She saw two sets of eyes settled on her, taking in her clothing.

“Um, I’ll just let myself out,” Lana said, standing. She turned slowly, then broke into a dead run for the door.

“Was she wearing Landon’s clothes?” Lex asked.

“You know? I think she was,” Clark said, his fingers tap dancing across Lex’s chest, tweaking a nipple along the way, while Lex twisted a lock of Clark’s hair around his finger.

“Oh well. I’m glad she’s gone. Now we can get back to much better things,” Lex said, claiming Clark’s mouth with his own.

Halfway across town, Lana sat in hers and Chloe’s dorm, crying into her pint of ice cream. She was too caught up in herself to notice Chloe’s triumphant smile.